Love beyond romance: reclaiming the heart's true frequency
- Mei
- Feb 14
- 5 min read
A Valentine's Day reflection on self-love, humanity, and heart-brain coherence
(*The sub-headings are all taken from songs about love - can you identify all of the artist names? Answers at the bottom of the post!)
"What is love? (Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more)"
Valentine’s Day started as a celebration of devotion. But somewhere along the way, it became less about love and more about the other force that rules our world: commerce. Today, it’s a $25 billion industry where love is measured in chocolates, overpriced roses, and Instagrammable date nights — and that’s just in the U.S. alone.
Even self-love — once a radical act of reclaiming one’s worth and showing compassion for oneself — has been neatly packaged and sold back to us in the form of luxury spa days and expensive skincare routines.
Don’t get me wrong — I love a good pedicure! But is love really just about bubble baths and candlelit dinners? What does love even mean anymore?
Across cultures and traditions, one truth remains constant: love is the most powerful force in the universe.
“God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in them.”— 1 John 4:16 (Bible, New Testament)
“Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.”— The Dhammapada (Verse 5, Buddhist Scripture)
“We are all flowers in the Great Spirit’s garden. We share a common root, and the root is Love.”— Lakota Sioux Proverb
“Love is the bridge between you and everything.”— Rumi (Sufi Mystic & Poet)
And if love truly is the most powerful force in the universe, isn't it fascinating that our hearts — the organ we instinctively associate with love — generate an electromagnetic field 5,000 times stronger than the brain?
Suffice to say, love is a potent force. Surely, the celebration of love deserves more than fleeting gestures and mass commercialisation.
"What’s (self-)love got to do, got to do with it?"
Despite the commercial noise, self-love does matter — just not in the way it’s been marketed.
Self-care, that phrase often thrown around in the same breath as self-love, is not all about indulgence and pampering. It’s about balance and alignment.
Someone who never misses their monthly facials may still be lacking in self-love — not because they need more pampering, but because they need better boundaries to advocate for their needs in a codependent relationship. (That someone was me.)
Someone with the healthiest eating & exercise habits may still need more self-love — not to push themselves harder, but to show themselves compassion when they fall off the wagon (Also me.)
Someone who devours self-help books and attends every workshop may still need more self-love — not through another breakthrough, but by allowing themselves to rest without guilt. (Yep, alllll me.)
This is where self-love goes beyond surface-level actions — it's not just about what we do, but how we operate at a deeper level.
Because true self-love isn’t just about habits or routines; it's about how we regulate ourselves and sustain our inner balance. And this balance isn't just emotional — it's deeply physiological.
At the core of this regulation is heart-brain coherence, a scientifically measurable state where our thoughts, emotions, and nervous system work in harmony. Research shows that heart-brain coherence leads to:
In other words, when we tune into the heart’s energy, our entire system shifts into a more optimal state on all levels — physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I don't know about you, but I'd take that over 24k gold face masks any day!
"Must be love on the brain"
If self-love is about balance and alignment, and heart-brain coherence is the key, then the next question is: how do we actually cultivate it?
The good news? It’s simpler than you think.
Research from the HeartMath Institute shows that just a few intentional practices can help sync the rhythms of your heart and brain, creating a state of physiological harmony.
Here’s a simple 3-step practice to activate heart coherence:
1️⃣ Breathe with intention
Place your hand on your heart and take slow, deep breaths — inhale for 5-6 seconds, exhale for 5-6 seconds (or even longer, to stimulate the vagus nerve and promote relaxation).
Imagine each breath flowing in and out of your heart, like a gentle wave.
2️⃣ Generate a positive emotion
Think of someone or something that brings you genuine joy, love, or gratitude.
This could be a cherished memory, a person you love, or even appreciation for the present moment.
3️⃣ Radiate that feeling through your body
As you hold that feeling, imagine your heart expanding, sending out waves of energy through your entire body.
Sit with this for at least 60 seconds — longer if you can, allowing yourself to fully sync with the rhythm of your heart.
It’s a deceptively simple but powerful shift. Instead of reacting to the chaos around you, you train your nervous system to anchor into inner peace and coherence.
And when more of us do this, we contribute to a world that vibrates at a higher frequency of love, compassion, and connection.
"What the world needs now is love, sweet love"
Love has never been just a personal endeavour: it's a collective frequency. In a similar vein 😉, heart-brain coherence isn't just good for the individual — it has benefits at a mass scale.
Studies have shown that when groups of people practice heart coherence, it reduces crime rates, improves social harmony, and even influences global consciousness (HeartMath's Global Coherence Initiative).
Imagine if more of us made this shift, not just for ourselves but for the world.
In a time of increasing polarisation, division and widespread distrust, it's all the more imperative to spread love, not hatred.
Individually, we cannot seek to change the world and everything that is wrong with it today. But when we all lead with our hearts — with kindness and compassion — we contribute to a collective movement underpinned by universal love: the most powerful force there is.
So, this Valentine's Day, I invite you to expand your focus from romantic love or individual self-care, to love of humanity, the planet and future generations.
Let's make love about more than just a single day of grand gestures. Let's make it a daily practice of coherence, connection, and compassion.
Because if we truly want a better world, we don't just need more romance — we need more heart.
Join me in a simple loving-kindness (metta in the Buddhist tradition) practice this Valentine's Day: close your eyes, place your hand on your heart, breathe deeply, and radiate love not just for yourself, but for everyone around you. (Yes, even the people you dislike. Maybe especially them.)
At our core, we are all beings of love. Sometimes, we forget our true nature. For those of us who remember this and the real meaning of love, let's gently remind the others. Because the journey back to self is really the journey back to love. And in the end, we are all just walking each other home.
Happy Valentine's Day, moonbeam! 💖
*Artists & song titles:
(How many did you get right? Let me know in the comments!)
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